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1. One word: Salt.
2. Before the game, secretly switch the green and red light bulbs around.
3. Slash, hook, and spear every opposing player who comes within 3 feet of your crease, then point and laugh at your teammates when they have to go to the box for you.
4. After you cover the puck and the ref blows the whistle, quickly put the puck in your shorts before the ref can pick it up, then tell him to "come get it.
5. Moon the goal cam.
6. Get into a shouting match with your stick, then tell the ref you refuse to play until the stick apologizes.
7. If you're on the bench, start giving away all the sticks on the rack to the fans sitting behind you.
8. Every time an announcement is made over the PA system, drop to your knees and start screaming, "Not the voices again!".
9. Every time the opposing team scores, remove one piece of your equipment.
10. Fill your teammates' water bottles with vodka and watch the fun.
11. As soon as the trainers finish putting your equipment on you, say out loud, "Hey, you know what astronauts can do right in their suits?" Then watch the fun as they scramble to pull the equipment off again.
12. During a faceoff, stand next to your defensemen as if you're a skater too.
13. When someone scores a hat trick, grab as many hats off the ice as you can and stuff them in your jersey.
14. Using hockey tape, put a large bull's-eye in the middle of your chest.
15. Using hockey tape, put "(Insert name of opponent's enforcer here) Sucks" on the back of your teammates' jerseys.
16. Rub Ben Gay on the inside of your teammates' cups/jills.
17. Pour Crazy Glue inside your teammates' cups/jills.
18.
When the trainer isn't looking, throw a red sock in the washer with the white home jerseys (but make sure you take yours out!)
19.
Before the game starts, go up to the opposing team, start crying and say, "Please don't score on me! My coach beats me if I let a puck in!" Then, when the ref comes to take you back to your crease, start screaming, "No! I don't wanna go! I don't wanna go!"
20. Position yourself in front of the goal cam and proceed to scratch your rear end. |
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